Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
