oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
