oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
