Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
