Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
