I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
