Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
