Please, let me fuck your mom
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
