I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
