Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
