I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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