just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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