I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
