I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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