Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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