she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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