I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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