I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
