Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
