How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
