I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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