he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I feel like abortions should bother me more
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
