She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Can't talk, ducks in the car
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
