Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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