Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
