oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
