I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
