I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
