My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
