I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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