This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
