don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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