Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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