My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
