I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
