Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
