I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
