It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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