I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
