i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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