I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
