Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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