Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
