The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
