i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
