I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I looked at my own cervix.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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