You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
