I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
