Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
