the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
are you so shy because you have an std?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
time to smoke my breakfast
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
