i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
